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Best of Whoops!

Bet These Hurt in the Morning
By Christian Hazel
Photography by Readers of 4-Wheel & Off-Road
Chevrolet S10 Front Passenger Side
1978 Ford F150 Rear View

Who: Jason Elder Where: Dittmer, MO What: ’78 F-150 Why: Good ’ol redneck mud whompin’ The price: Gonna have to see if those 1/2-ton axles can stand up to 44s since the 39.5s aren’t doing it.

Jeep CJ7 Passenger Side

Who: Mark Hedspeth Where: Fresno, CA What: CJ-7 Aquarium Jeep Why: Jeeps don’t float for long. Herbalist: A water and oil enema always brings out a big smile.

Jeep Cherokee Front Driver Side

Who: Damien Aube Where: Hinesburg, VT What: Jeep Cherokee Hot Pocket Why: The ranger said all campfires must be in a metal container above the ground. Mel Tormé: We’ve heard of chestnuts roasting and all, but come on.

Ford F250 Front View

Who: Larry Mansfield Where: Porterfield, WI What: Ford F-250 Why: He says, “too much gas, not enough Bud Light.” We’re guessing there was plenty of both. Plan 9 from Green Bay: Here’s the gratuitous alien encounter shot. Hope the probe didn’t hurt too much.

Scout Front Passenger Side

Who: Boyd Hopkins Where: Fillmore, CA What: Scout Why: Bald tires and no winch point Eternal optimist: Hold on, honey, just a few passes with the grooving iron and we’ll be good to go.

1978 Chevrolet Dualie Driver Side

Who: Richard Drake Where: Phoenix, AZ What: ’78 Chevy Crew Cab Dualie Why: Street tires + sticky mud = using your Crew Cab as a hotel for the night. The irony: Of all the places to get stuck in a mud hole, Arizona has to be the best.

Scout Driver Side

Who: Rob Wachs Where: Bunola, PA What: Scout II Why: Showin’ off for the ladies Possum: In a purely defensive move, the modified Scout will play dead until the stock aggressor retreats.

Toyota Front Half

Who: Mark Keim Where: Covelo, CA What: Max-stealth Toyota Why: Fixing a leaky pond (hey, that’s what he said) Marlin Perkins: The Toyotas of the Serengeti use the tall grass to sneak up close to their prey.

1977 Toyota FJ55 Passenger Side

Who: Ben Majewski Where: Woodinville, WA What: ’70 Toyota FJ-55 Why: We’re guessing it was a slow Fourth of July. Huh?: Is it an FJ-55 or the world’s biggest pond leech?

Dodge Power Wagon Driver Side

Who:Bryan Poupore Where: Lady Lake, FL What: Dodge Power Wagon Why: Dumb-ass buddy dare Stinky?: Geez, that sure looks like one giant steaming cow pie.

Toyota Front View

Who: Gary Babin Where: Somerset, NJ What: Peter Pan Toyota Why: He’s totaled it three times. That may explain his animosity towards the DMV. Sweet: You know that fireman is thinking, “Dumb ass!”

P68772 Image Large

Who: Pete Weber Where: Clovis, CA What: Big ’ol honkin’ Kenworth Why: No idea—photo courtesy of driveby Samaritan. Jerry Reed: Eastbound and… down.

Jeep Cherokee Rear Passenger Side

Who: Chuck Patton Where: Ash Fork, AZ What: Jeep Cherokee Hang Glider Why: No better way to transport Grandma’s dishes. Logic: “You mean you still have to stay awake with cruise control?”

1963 Scout Front Windshield

Who: Vince A. Marquez Where: Las Vegas, NM What: ’63 Scout Why: He wrote, “I have killed several Scouts trying to cross the Canadian River here in New Mexico. Does anybody have any tips?” How about take the bridge? Dude, where’s my car?: Genius. Sheer genius.

Ford Bronco Front Passenger Side

Who: Shane Bell Where: Lewiston, ME What: Ford Bronco Why: Semi-frozen stream with a snow covering. Aw, yeah! Where’d it go?: Will work for third tire.

Toyota Tacoma Driver Side

Who: Clayton Bryan Where: Copper Canyon, TX What: Toyota Tacoma, TRD Why: Everything’s bigger in Texas, even the whoops! Miseryfest 2000: Severely stuck truck, mosquito-filled night of camping, sticky mud, cut heel (nine stitches), and bloodied carpet. They did it right!

Jeep Cherokee Driver Side

Who: Ryan Kelbey Where: Greenville, SC What: The new Jeep submarine Why: Showing off the fording capabilities of 31-inch tires Where’s the goat?: Looks like the T-Rex scene from Jurassic Park

Ford Ranger Passenger Side

Who: Justin Quinzio Where: Yorba Linda, CA What: Ford Ranger Why: Three days of rain and it took a police helicopter to find it. Picnic basket:Yogi’s smarter than this Ranger.

1984 Chevrolet Blazer Front Driver Side

Who: Rick D’Innocenti Where: Vancouver, WA What: ’84 Chevy Blazer with ’91 front clip Why: He wrote, “tried to make it grow by watering it.” Evinrude: That 2hp trolling motor just ain’t gonna cut it.

1978 Chevrolet Blazer Passenger Side

Who: Jason Vinti Where: Walla Walla, WA What: ’78 Chevy Blazer Why: Big mud, little tires Going down: Call us when you reach China.

P68781 Image Large

Who: Derek Thorsrud Where: Fort Hood, TX What: HEMMT Why: Because it was there Boy Scout?: Seeking shelter from the impending storm, a lean-to was hastily constructed out of the most readily available object.

1987 Toyota Front Passenger Side

Who: John Johnsen Where: Aldergrove, B.C. What: ’87 Toyota Why: Just another excuse to do the stuck victory dance Punk skateboarders: Dude, then I followed my 540 with an Ollie, like this….

1979 Chevrolet K10 Front Passenger Side

Who: Chris LaDrig Where: Saginaw, MI What: ’79 Chevy K10 Why: Just bought it and had to see how deep a 38.5-inch Mudder could be buried Move to Beverleee: Only the most discriminating hillbillies use Chevy rigs to drill for oil.

1984 Toyota Front Passenger Side

Who: Vince and Henry Lee Where: Piedra, CA What: ’84 Toyota gymnast Why: Rocky trail, short attention span, sarcastic friends. Cool photo. Cool: OK, these ball joints look good, now let’s check the other side.

Suzuki Samurai Driver Side Top

Who: Ray Malinowsky Where: U.S. Army, Germany What: Suzuki Samurai Why: …it can’t be that deep! Up periscope: We think this dude saw U-571 one time too many.

For those of you who made it out alive, hopefully you can learn from the misfortunes of others. For those of you who sent in photos, hopefully seeing your carnage in the magazine and being part of the fun will take the sting out. So kick back, grab a cold one, and enjoy the misadventure.


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